I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
