He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
