He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just pee around me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
