I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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