seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
