I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
