I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
