Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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