Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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