I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
