I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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