i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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