she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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