there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my liver is dry heaving
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
