Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
