8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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