Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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