In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
