i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
