$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
