She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
