Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
