...so i touched it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
