I should be sponsored by Trojan
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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