Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
