he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
