So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
