For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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