I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize