evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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