yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
