you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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