Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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