that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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