After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
