I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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