What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
