mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
