Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
