Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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