You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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