i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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