This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
