You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
