We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
