Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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