Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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