Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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