i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
