Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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