I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
