I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
