onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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