Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
