I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
