my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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