he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
