i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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