You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
