just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
