K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
