someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
