I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
