i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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