had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
