You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
